Wake Up with One Guy, Go To Bed with Another
I prefer that a certain amount of time goes by between having one lover and the next. And, I’m not just talking about the time it takes to have a shower and to change the sheets – I mean a space of several days at least. When I was talking about this subject to a friend recently, he explained that just after he’s woken up with one women, he becomes anxious to sleep with another one that very day. According to him, this serves as an emotional defense mechanism, especially when he really likes the person he’s woken up with. Perhaps, sleeping with another partner, as quickly as he can, provides him with the instant emotional distance from his morning lover that he craves.
When I wake up with a lover, I’m still remembering the last sex session instead of thinking about the next one. But, never say never. Sometimes, things happen in an unexpectedly way and sexual encounters can’t always be predicted or planned. Let me explain.
Once, I made an exception to my own rule. It was a spring afternoon during my time at college and I’d already begun the day in a strange bed, snuggling-up against a friend with benefits. I was happy and relaxed despite only having slept two hours at most. All I was thinking about was getting home, crashing on my own bed and watching trash TV all afternoon. My, much-delayed, thesis would be left untouched for another day, of course.
When I got back to my halls of residence finally, I discovered a post-it note stuck onto my bedroom door. It informed me that my ex-boyfriend had telephoned and it explained that he was back in town temporarily. He’d left a return ‘phone number. My heart stopped for an instant. He wasn’t just any ex, you understand. He’d been my very first lover and, at that time, he was still very much the love of my life. We lived in different cities and, because it was the pre-Facebook era, we’d lost touch for several months after breaking up. Despite his absence in my life, he was still very capable of stirring up powerful emotions inside me.
I held the post-it note in one trembling hand and searched for a few coins in my pockets with the other. I found a few and called him up immediately. I was nervous at the prospect of hearing his voice. It was a short conversation with one primary objective on my part; that of meeting up with him for a drink that night, because he’d be leaving the next day. As soon as I’d hung up, I sprinted to the bathroom so that I could shower myself thoroughly and think about what I was going to wear. I thanked fate that I hadn’t had sex at my place the night before but had enjoyed myself somewhere else instead. That simple fact meant that I didn’t have to change the bedding or search for discarded condom wrappers in-between my sheets. I really didn’t have time for that.
I was physically shattered, but my anxiety, and the anticipation of meeting-up with my first boyfriend, filled my body with adrenalin. I arrived at the pub and I felt nervous as I searched for him in the crowd.Then, I saw him sitting at the bar, waiting for me. Just as I had feared, the moment I saw him I became aware that all of the other guys in the pub were suddenly invisible to me. God, I really wanted him.
The night was uncomfortable to begin with. But, after an hour and a few drinks, the conversation flowed much more easily between us. It became obvious how the night would end. When I kissed and touched him later, I couldn’t help comparing it to the all-too-recent experience with my morning lover. This was like being stuck inside a magic bubble of nostalgia, every moment filled with emotion due to the intense relationship that we had lived through and the undeniable desire that still existed between us.
Despite this, it really turned me on to know that I had started the day in bed with someone else. I imagine it was because he’d been my first and only lover when we’d been together and that was no longer the case. My horniness only increased when he confessed that he hadn’t been with anyone else since we’d broken up. “If you only knew!”, I thought to myself.
Since then, I haven’t repeated the experience of waking up with one lover and going to bed with another. But, unlike my friend, if I do it again, I know it’ll be because the night-time lover means much, much more to me.
Translation of ‘Levantarse con uno, acostarse con otro‘ published in El Pais.