Protocol for the Unfaithful

Protocol for the Unfaithful

For many, the simple fact of being unfaithful is unacceptable. For others, infidelity is inevitable in a long-term relationship. I think, however, that there are worse things about being unfaithful than the simple act itself. What hurts the most, is the lying and the humiliation.

Infidelity isn’t necessarily a sign that someone wants to end his official relationship. It may simply occur because someone wants to have the best of both worlds. That means, enjoying both the stability of a relationship and the excitement of living an illicit affair at the same time. Whatever the reason, once someone has made the decision to play away, or has been presented with the opportunity to do so, I still think that there are some things that the¬†unfaithful¬†should never do.

The unfaithful should always use protection. This should be obvious, but the truth is that many couples decide to abandon the use of condoms after being together for some time. It seems like common sense because they believe that they’re in a monogamous relationship. It’s all very well to trust your partner, but just assuming that they’re going to look after your health for you is very risky, especially given the high rate of infidelity. If you’re unfaithful, you should always use condoms because, if you catch an infection, it would be unacceptable to expose your partner to it.

If you’re going to play away, it’s advisable to do so with someone who doesn’t know your official partner. You shouldn’t get it on with anyone from your partner’s social circle or family. This is simply because it would be a double betrayal.

venus by yuky lutz protocol for the unfaithful

You shouldn’t have sex with your lover in the marital bed under any circumstances. Coming home and finding your partner in the middle of the act with another person is a scene often portrayed in movies because it’s the most dramatic way to discover an infidelity. But, in real life, I’m sure it must be utterly heartbreaking. Having sex with your lover in the bed that you share with your partner must be avoided; it’s the worst possible way to be caught. I think it’s a special place that shouldn’t be shared with others, unless it’s a consensual threesome, of course. There’s also the threat of leaving some small trace behind you. It could be: a smell of perfume, stray hairs or a small item left behind due to the urgency of having to dress quickly after the act. If you do decide to ignore this advice, it’s advisable to change the sheets afterwards, at the very least.

We must always be discreet; not only to reduce the chances of being caught but simply out of respect for your official partner. Discretion is paramount in public places. So, no public displays of affection or photos that might end up being posted on Facebook. Even if you’re doing the same (and more) behind closed doors, not everyone has to know about it. In addition, you should never introduce your lover, to all your friends, as such. Your infidelity shouldn’t become an open secret that everyone, except your partner, knows about.

Don’t call your lover by their real name. It’s always better to say darling, sweetheart or baby, instead. Then, you’re less likely to call your partner by the wrong name at the wrong time.

And last, but not least, if you have one of those days when you wake up with your partner and then-in the afternoon-meet up with your lover, at least make the effort to shower before you get back into bed with your partner that night.

This is especially true if your partner is up for having sex that night. It also helps to use the same brand of shower gel that you use at home, to avoid suspicion.
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Translation of ‘Protocolo para infieles‘, published in El Pais.
Photos by Yuky Lutz

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