Whenever my sex toy testing job arises in conversation, I have to underline the simple fact that it’s not just about orgasms.

There are occupational hazards associated with any job and those have to be anticipated, and managed, if and when they might occur. Following a profession based on the pursuit of high-quality climaxes is no different. I have discovered, quite recently in fact, that there can be a certain degree of collateral damage associated with being a sex toy tester. What makes an effective sex toy is the quality, and focus, of the vibrations supplied by its motor. That, unsurprisingly in retrospect, is also the problem.

I have always been concerned about Repetitive Strain Injury. These long-term afflictions are usually associated with office work and manual labour. Unfortunately, as a writer and reviewer of sex toys, I am doubly at risk. I have a variety of buzzing, vibrating, devices, held tightly in my right hand, on a daily basis. It comes as no surprise then, if there are repercussions to all my hard work, both good (sometimes very good) and bad.

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Now, I have a small ganglion cyst on my right wrist. Although there are several things that can contribute to their development there is one, in particular, that stood out when I did my research: “Other possible mechanisms for the development of ganglion cysts include repeated mechanical stress”.

The fact remains, however, that I love my job as sex toy tester and if I have to suffer a little to improve the orgasms of all of those women out there, then I am going to continue my good work on their behalf. I have a back-log of toys and I can not take a break from testing them any time soon.

There is hope for me though and I have three options that might give me some physical relief when I am busy seeking out the sexual kind:

It is obvious that I might need the services of an obliging sex toy assistant. He or she could hold a device in position, blindfolded of course, while I test it hands-free,

I could become ambidextrous when I masturbate and switch hands, finally specialising with my left…

According to my google research, a common method for treating a ganglion cyst in the past was to bash the lump with a heavy book. Historically, a Bible was the largest, or only, book in any given household and was commonly used; this led to the condition’s nickname of “Bible bumps” or “Gideon’s disease”.

The irony of this is not lost on me and the thought that I might be being punished for my sinful ways just gets me more excited…

… and I have so many unopened boxes of sex toy samples to get through.

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