It’s a very big question; possibly the biggest. The moment when you undress a new lover can be a moment of enormous joy or great disappointment.

I remember an experience I had years ago with a male flatmate that I really liked. He explained, probably a thousand times during our stay in the shared apartment, that he had a tiny member. That little piece of information never undermined my physical attraction towards him. Then, one summer morning when all of the other housemates had gone back home, we finally got it on. When I looked into his eyes and began to slide my hands down his chest he surprised me by grabbing my wrists.

‘Please don’t look down,’ he pleaded ‘I told you it was tiny, remember?’

Of course, human nature being what it is, I couldn’t resist the temptation to have a good look. I was shocked to discover that he owned the biggest penis I’d ever seen. It was huge, enormous! But I had to try it out, of course, if only out of curiosity.

‘You won’t feel a thing…’ he said. I had to smile because I loved his sense of humour.

The lesson I’ve learned about well-endowed men is that, however much their members impress visually, they have limitations when it comes to adopting certain sexual positions. This is true even if you go slowly. The best way for me to handle a big penis is to straddle it so I can have more control.

Sexual positions can be similarly restricted by small penises. If I’m on top, for example, a small member can slip out. If that happens repeatedly, it can become very awkward indeed. In that case it is far better to try positions that encourage deeper penetration.

If all else fails then there are a wide range of products available that can benefit a man who suffers from small-penis syndrome. These can include penis extensions and sleeves. In extreme cases, men can seek a surgical solution. I still can’t tell whether these remedies respond to a real need or if they just exploit the insecurities of not so well-endowed men.

It’s often suggested that it’s not the size that really matters anyway but what you do with it. In my experience, technique is highly important regardless. But, if I had to compare the sensations I experience from either a very big penis or a very small one, I’d confess that they’re undoubtedly different. In my opinion, it’s far better to be small and be as hard as table leg than it is to be big and floppy.

Of course, when we’re talking about the importance of size to the sexual act we have to include the vagina as well as the penis. Size compatibility in sex also depends on whether the vagina is ‘big’ or not and that’s hard to determine. There is, after all, no real way to measure it. A ‘loose vagina’ may be the result of having weak pelvic floor muscles. Signs of this might include: the need to insert ever larger objects to be stimulated, limited resistence when inserting three or more fingers or an increasing difficulty in achieving orgasm.

There are methods to develop a tighter vagina. A good way is to train regularly with a Kegel exercise program. Even if you don’t suffer from a loose vagina you can still enjoy the numerous benefits that result from this sort of exercise. The advantages it provides for an improved sex life can’t be underestimated. With time, patience and practice, muscular control improves; this is especially true of the muscles that contract involuntarily during orgasm. The result of this hard work is a more toned-up vagina which increases the amount of stimulation during intercourse and results in more intense orgasms.

Kegel exercises can be practised anywhere but a more fun way to achieve results is by using jiggle balls. I’d heard a great many horny stories about their use but it didn’t put me off. I was still eager to try them. A good friend, moreover, had told me that she had gone to work with a set of balls inside her. She kept them in all day and explained that the constant sensations she experienced were so intense that she could hardly stand it. That day, she attended meetings and went about her duties, with a permanent smile on her face. I must admit that the pleasure wasn’t so intense for me when I used them. It was an odd sensation to feel the weights shifting inside me with every step that I took. When I discovered their additional sexual health benefits for myself later, I decided to carry on using them.

In the final analysis, it’s not the size of the penis or the size of the vagina that really matters. It is more a question of hardness, technique and whether two lovers fit together well.

Yet, despite all this, whether size matters remains a big/hard question.

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Translated from ¿Importa el tamaño? published in El País.

Photo by Sebas Romero

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