I’ve never really understood that there is a ‘problem’ associated with premature ejaculation even though I understand that the possibility of it happening has become an obsession for many men. For me personally, quick sex sessions are the most authentic, entertaining and certainly the wildest ones.
Some sexologists have defined premature ejaculation to be when a man ejaculates in the first two minutes after penetration. It’s important to note that a survey by Alfred Kinsey, undertaken in the 1950s found that 75% of men admitted that they ejaculated within those two minutes and that it occured in over half of their sexual encounters.
Premature ejaculation has become synonymous with bad sex and, if the Kinsey statistics are correct, the implication is that 50% of sex is unsatisfactory. I disagree. In my opinion, the best things in life tend to happen quickly and this is especially true when applied to the bedroom.
So, guys, you can throw away your delay creams, forget about Kegel exercises and stop using controlled masturbation to prolong your performance. Let me explain why premature ejaculation can be a real turn on.
In my experience the best sex sessions have been short and sweet. This is thanks to a prior accumulation of sexual tension and my ability to have intense penetrative orgasms really easily. My lovers have tried to encourage me to ‘calm down’ more than once.They’ve also warned me that if I keep squealing and thrashing around they will come immediately. Calming down and keeping still are the last things that I intend to do when I’m enjoying sex. It doesn’t take me long to persuade them to let themselves go as well. It makes them come either at the same moment as I do or not long afterwards.
Premature ejaculation can be very flattering for a woman. If you think about it, premature ejaculation means that the man is so invested in the moment, and so excited by the person he’s with, that he finds it impossible to maintain control. Moreover, fast sex is probably the most sincere kind there is because it doesn’t give a lover the time or opportunity to imagine unpleasant things just so he can delay coming.
After all, who wants to be in bed with someone who is thinking about his grandmother while he’s having sex with you?
Really prolonged sex sessions have always bored me and men who tell me that they can keep going for ages never impress me. When it takes an unusually long time for a man to come, the sex becomes dull; the process becomes mechanical when it should be free-flowing and natural. If I reach the point where droplets of his sweat are raining down on my face, then all I can think of is getting it over and done with as soon as possible.
The only time that premature ejaculation bothers me is when my lover has come but I haven’t. It’s a real pity that men can throw in the towel at this point and decide that the sex has been a failure. It really doesn’t have to be like that. In those awkward moments, saying ‘I’m sorry’ just won’t do. Apologising for ejaculating prematurely just looks ridiculous.
The biggest disappointment for me occurs when he’s ejaculated and I’ve been stranded at my halfway point. Instead of giving up, he should remember that he still has his hands and mouth available for my pleasure. A woman is much more likely to come straight after a man if he continues their session by deploying his fingertips and tongue to her unselfishly.
When you’re enthusiastic to have long, lingering, sex with a particular person, it’s often preferable get the first act out of the way quickly so that more quality time is left for relaxing exploration, fondling, kissing and mutual oral pleasuring. It is at those times when I begin to imagine the next intense bout of hard sex and desire it the most.
And if he can’t get it up then, when I need him to?
That’s the real ‘problem’.
Translation of ‘Oda a la eyaculación precoz’ published in GQ Spain