Confessions of a Sex Toy Tester Photo by Lourdes Ribas

Confessions of a Sex Toy Tester

When I was a student, I used to work as a waitress to get some extra money. I was willing to work in any type of restaurant except Italian ones. I have nothing against Italians. Quite the contrary. In fact, Italian was my absolute favourite food at the time. It was just that I was afraid that I would end up getting sick and tired of it. Because I loved it so much, I was not going to let that happen.

Interestingly, I did not have this fear when I began to write about sex or, more recently, when I became a sex toy tester. That is because it is very difficult to get tired of using so many wonderful vibrators. Masturbating for sake of a review, however, is not quite the same as doing it for personal pleasure.

Let me explain further. When I am doing a review test, for example, I am thinking about how pleasant the toy’s texture feels, whether or not like its shape and if it is easy to use. More importantly, for the review that I will write afterwards, is the ability to focus on the process of self-love. To tell the truth, it is hard, sometimes, to simply concentrate on the job in hand, literally. It is only when I relax and visualise my favourite fantasy that I can confirm if a toy really works by climaxing.

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Despite the fact that I have accumulated a big collection of sex toys, I still have not found the perfect toy for me. You could say that I am very demanding. I don’t care about the luxurious packaging or the elegant shapes that ensure toys are nice aesthetically but make them impractical to use. I am looking for a toy with a smooth texture, an ergonomic shape to hold on to, ease of use and powerful vibrations to stimulate myself with. Most important of all is a toy’s ability to provide me with intense and reliable orgasms. If it cannot do that, what is the point of having a vibrator at all?

Unfortunately, most of the sex toys that I have tested do not meet even the most basic of my requirements. It is true, however, that what works for one person might not work so well for another. Having someone that you can trust to be able to offer a second opinion on a toy is always useful. I have a female friend with benefits who I can ask for assistance in this way. She is even more demanding than I am when it comes to sex toys.

Today it is easier than ever to consult the opinions of sex toy testers through their dedicated blogs. But, I wonder if the sex toy companies pay as much attention as they should to all of this feedback when they are developing a new product?

There is only one real way to find out and that is to design and develop my own sex toy.


Translation of ‘Confesiones de una probadora de juguetes eróticos,‘ published in El Pais.

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