Introducing a little BDSM into your relationship can be a really great way to intensify things, learn your limits and become closer to your partner, but it can also be really intimidating–especially if you’ve never dabbled in it before. Perhaps you’ve been kicking around this site for awhile or you just stumbled here after wondering what BDSM was really like, either way, you’re not alone if you’re worried. Beginning a BDSM adventure can be exciting, but it’s going to take communication, honesty, and an open mind. Use this as your beginners guide and then continue to physically and intellectually explore your options. Communication Communication is key to having a successful and pleasurable BDSM relationship. You can’t dive in without discussing the semantics, rules, limits, and safe words. Make sure your partner has a full understanding of what BDSM will entail, what the different roles (dom/sub) mean and who will be who. It won’t work if you both want to be the sub or vice versa. You will also need to discuss what your limits will be. Are you okay with anal play? Paddling? What level of pain or loss of control are you willing to go to? You want to make sure you are both on the same page. It’s fun to push limits, but you don’t want to push them so far that it becomes scary or someone gets hurt. The best way to ensure no one gets hurt is to set up a safe word that you can […]
In BDSM a bottom or submissive is the partner in a BDSM relationship or a BDSM scene who takes the passive, receiving, or obedient role, to that of the top or the dominant.They assume their subordinate role in private and enjoy the fantasy of having no personal authority and being controlled and dominated with their agreement and collusion.
Submission needs the personal ego of the sub is set aside so that their primary concern is always praising, worshipping and servicing the individual that represents their superior in every way. The main purpose of the sub is to do precisely what he or she is told to do by a dominant, whether it’s online or in person.
There could be tasks to be performed by the submissive outside of the controlled and controlling environment of their BDSM relationship that enhance the connection.The dominant can give the submissive permission to break his or her daily routines by acting in counter-intuitive ways in front of friends, family and work colleagues. The dominant must be kept in mind at all times if this happens.
Subs dream of a reward for their successful service but they usually find that a harsh penalty for their failure to impress can be equally significant and just as pleasurable for them.
It was just recently that a good friend made an observation about my fetish for blindfolds. “It seems as though the main reason you wear blindfolds is so that you don’t have to see the men that you sleep with” She said. I agreed that sometimes it was true, but that it wasn’t always that simple. Since that night, I’ve been thinking about blindfolds a lot. When my eyes disappear behind one, it isn’t just my ability to see that’s affected. With my eyes covered, I can immerse myself in a private fantasy world. A simple touch suddenly means so much more. What seems like just a relaxing caress from fingers I can see becomes thrilling and charged with excitement when it involves ones that I can’t. It’s impossible to anticipate their intention or predict their next movement when I’m behind the blindfold. I don’t need to think at all. I can be perfectly selfish and deliciously passive for a change. [nggallery id=62] Photos by Yuky Lutz
50 shades of Venus
In case you hadn’t realised, Planet Venus is back. It may seem perverse for me to be away from my regular writing responsibilities at this time. BDSM has suddenly become the literary flavour of the year with the publishing phenomenon of “50 Shades of Grey” taking the mainstream reading habits of the world by storm. In this eroticized and aroused moment in time you might think that I’ve been neglecting my proper duties and the philosophy behind my all important web. Although my loyal slaves have been working around the clock, they can only achieve so much on their own before I have to take the initiative again and do the things for Planet Venus that only I am qualified to do. Nevertheless, I see the distinctive cover of “50 Shades of Grey” and its sequels appearing in increasing numbers on the metro, in cafes and being read on benches in municipal parks. Everyone has either read it, is reading it or feels that they need to have an opinion about it. In my mind this can only be a good thing. It is still only fiction however. What happens when all of those readers feel the need to experiment with BDSM in their real lives? If you really want to discover how fulfilling and exciting BDSM can be but you are reluctant to do so because of any pre-conceptions you might still have then let me reassure you. BDSM can be so much fun that it’s almost a scandal […]
Feminism Vs Femdom
Feminism has got a bad name over the years for a variety of reasons. Mostly, in our hypersexual culture of eroticised imagery, it commits the cardinal sin of being a little unsexy. Feminism began as a movement based on the establishment of equality between the sexes. It has gone through many distinct phases since its beginnings and not all of them have been comfortable. At first, feminists wanted to be taken as seriously as men. To achieve their aim, they thought that they had to act just like men. Unfortunately, for some, that meant dressing like them as well. Thank God for the Spice Girls. The five of them turned up in short skirts and taught us about “girl power”. They were proof that you can wear high heels and still be a feminist. I defined myself as a feminist until I discovered Femdom (Female Domination). Femdom usually describes the power structure of a BDSM relationship in which the dominant partner is exclusively female. As a result of her complete authority over her submissive partner, she determines the activities that define their relationship. This includes any and all of the rules and punishments that exist during those sessions. Feminism, in its early stages, tried to do without femininity and looked down on it to some extent. Femdom doesn’t just accept femininity it takes it to another level. Female charms are emphasised and exploited like sexual weapons. Feminists believe that if you show too much cleavage you’ll never be taken seriously. […]
BDSM for Beginners – Terminology
BDSM is a perfect festive treat for the Christmas holidays. That’s fine if you know what you’re doing. You might be new to BDSM. You and your partner might still want to use your time off together to try it out anyway. Here are my 10 Basic BDSM Terms for Beginners. BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. DOMINANT (also dom, domme): the one in charge. SUBMISSIVE (also sub) the one who gives themselves freely for the pleasure of another. SWITCH an individual who “switches” between dominant and submissive roles. A switch can be both a sadist and a masochist. VANILLA refers to non-BDSM sex, “vanilla sex”.A person who doesn’t do BDSM is a “vanilla” SUBMISSION CONTRACT a formal document that defines the relationship of a sub to his or her domme. A contract might describe sexual arrangements, rules and punishment, as well as defining day to day duties. SAFEWORD a word or phrase used to stop a BDSM game. Safewords are defined beforehand and should be respected by the dominant> A common safe word is “red” (stop) or “yellow” (approaching the limit). Photo by Guy Moberly from Love Me Like You Hate Me. BONDAGE the practice of restricting a person’s bodily movements for erotic pleasure. FETISH a “fetish” is an object, non-reproductive body part or action whose presence or existence causes excitement and/or arousal in an individual. An object might be latex or heels, a non-sexual body part could be legs or feet and […]
How To Be A Good Slave
Being a good slave is not easy. Even the best ones slip up sometimes and make mistakes – sometimes intentionally. For the first – and last – time, here are my ten slave commandments. They need to be followed if you ever want to be a good slave yourself. 1. Understand that your Goddess is always right. She should never be questioned or contradicted in any way. 2. A good slave should be available to serve at all times, even when his Goddess is asleep. 3. All of your disposable income should be available for your Goddess to use in whichever way She sees fit. 4. Never – ever – complain. Just shut up and just serve, serve, serve. 5. Always do more for your Goddess than what is expected of you. This might impress Her enough for you to earn privileges. 6. Always listen closely to details and never get important facts wrong. 7.Worship your goddess and realise how lucky you are to be near such a unique creature. 8.Never make demands on your Goddess. Anything you receive from Her is a gift. 9.A good slave never shows any signs of free will. 10.Never threaten your Goddess with the termination of your worship. This is the worst of all possible slave-crimes. As a natural switch I occasionally enjoy playing around with the role of a passive sub instead of my preferred domme status. When I slid down onto my knees and assumed a classic sub pose I was always […]