Submission

In BDSM a bottom or submissive is the partner in a BDSM relationship or a BDSM scene who takes the passive, receiving, or obedient role, to that of the top or the dominant.They assume their subordinate role in private and enjoy the fantasy of having no personal authority and being controlled and dominated with their agreement and collusion.

Submission needs the personal ego of the sub is set aside so that their primary concern is always praising, worshipping and servicing the individual that represents their superior in every way. The main purpose of the sub is to do precisely what he or she is told to do by a dominant, whether it’s online or in person.

There could be tasks to be performed by the submissive outside of the controlled and controlling environment of their BDSM relationship that enhance the connection.The dominant can give the submissive permission to break his or her daily routines by acting in counter-intuitive ways in front of friends, family and work colleagues. The dominant must be kept in mind at all times if this happens.

Subs dream of a reward for their successful service but they usually find that a harsh penalty for their failure to impress can be equally significant and just as pleasurable for them.

Ode to the Original Mr Grey

Ode to the Original Mr Grey I’ve always believed that the success of the Fifty Shades of Grey books can be attributed to the character of Christian Grey. For me the the appeal of the trilogy is less about the BDSM and more about the rehearsal of an established female fantasy: a fabulously wealthy, enigmatic older man finding redemption from his past misdemeanours by falling in love with a much younger, poorer and virginal girl. In other words, Fifty Shades of Grey is like a Mills & Boon romance novel with butt-plugs and bondage tape. Anastasia Steel is the lucky girl that women across the world love to identify with. We all desire attention and the arousing prospect of a ripped billionaire choosing us above all others to lavish his attentions and perversions upon was guaranteed to get us wet. Even though he seemed like a stalker sometimes. My personal investment in the allure of Mr Grey fell sharply when Jamie Dornan was cast to play him in the film adaptation of the first book in the trilogy. Although Mr Dornan is a talented actor, serious eye-candy and seems shy in interviews there is a problem. The lack of sexual chemistry between himself and Dakota Johnson, playing Anastasia, killed the fantasy on film for me. Christian will never be my idolised Mr Grey. There is another Mr Grey who makes my pulse race. I’m referring to E. Edward Grey, the protagonist, from the film Secretary as played by the wonderful […]

CFNM vs CMNF (Femdom)

When I came across the acronym CFNM on Twitter recently associated with Femdom (Female Domination), I was instantly curious to find out what it meant. I was surprised to learn that in actual fact, the philosophy behind CFNM (Clothed Female Naked Male) was not news to me at all. As it turns out, I have been practising my own variant of it for years but I have to acknowledge that when I am faced with a choice between CFNM, and its flip side CMNF (Clothed Male Naked Female) I will invariably choose the latter option. One of my favourite things about the nature of fetishism is that almost any kink has a name. To determine one fetish from another, however, the correct designation becomes necessary. My understanding of CFNM “Clothed Female/Naked Male” is based on my interest and practice of FemDom or Female Domination. The fetishistic value of a CFNM scenario lies in the asymmetrical power relationship of its participants to the way in which they are dressed. A fully dressed woman, or group of women, can be placed in direct fetishistic contrast to a naked man, or group of men. Nakedness often compels vulnerability, reticence and shame when the other member, or members of a scene are dressed and have the dominant role. A CFNM scenario can explore sexual or non-sexual practices, male submission fantasies and/or elements of male display, performance or exhibitionism. Female domination becomes a natural extension of these forms of gender identity roleplaying. In contrast, CMNF […]

Fifty Shades of Grey: You’ve read the book, seen the trailer, now what?

Fifty Shades of Grey is trending again and it feels as though it never went away. The truth is, it’s always there now, in the back of our aroused minds. It is, in no small part, the responsibility of its author, E.L. James that 2012 will be remembered as a watershed for erotic literature and the portrayal of BDSM as a viable and peculiarly effective ingredient of modern sexuality. Now, we have seen the first trailer to the forthcoming Fifty Shades of Grey film. Everyone seems to be watching it, talking about it or avoiding it in case it does not live up to their private visualisation of the two main characters involved. Nevertheless, everyone will have to wait until Valentine’s Day 2015 to see it… If the length of the wait seems like a special type of torture then do not get overly concerned. Fifty Shades of Grey is all about BDSM. The punishing delay until fans of the books can see the film seems quite appropriate when you look at it from that perspective. If you need to keep yourself and your own personal Mr Grey distracted and entertained while you are both waiting patiently, then I can think of no better way than to take full advantage of the official Fifty Shades of Grey sex toy collection. The amazing variety of products it comprises will guarantee that neither of you will ever get bored. The collection includes toys such as vibrators, ben wah balls, G spot vibrator, […]

Cyberslave: My New Short Film

Cyberslave is a short film that tells the story of a struggling dominatrix and her relationship with Slave X. It explores the dynamics of a D/s relationship, Financial Domination, virtual relationships, during the current economic crisis.. …. But who is the slave? This is the first time I have taken to scriptwriting, I hope you enjoy it! I have always questioned the power dynamics in a D/s relationship when there is money involved. I’ve always believed that the person who pays is the one in charge. Especially if the money is used for everyday living costs, and therefore the dominatrix relies on her slaves’ contributions to live. This calls into question who really has the power. In Cyberslave I wanted to explore the how a financial domme tries to maintain control of her slave and herself, despite her total lack of control over her own situation. Written by and Starring Venus O’Hara Directed by Antón González and Vicente González Make-up and Art Direction: Mariam Elazzouzi Produced by La Isla

The Power of Orgasm Denial

Orgasm denial is the best way to deal with rebellious slaves. If a dominant is clever then there are wonderful ways to make someone suffer without physical pain ever being needed. O.D. is still the most satisfying option available to me. I went to Ikea one afternoon to have a look around and investigate the latest range of headboards. I never know when I’m going to need a really strong one so its best to do some research. I walked around the bedding area and felt a little bored to tell the truth. The typical crowds you find in that place were beginning to irritate me with their docile browsing. On a whim, I decided that it was time to end my slave’s period of Orgasm Denial in spectacular fashion right then and there. He had been placed on it for six days and was really starting to suffer. It was great. I sent him an SMS with the codeword “Now”. He understood the rules perfectly. No matter where he was, no matter what he was doing, he had to masturbate immediately. I stood aside from the crowd and, almost at once, he called me back. I heard his belt buckle hit the floor closely followed by his trousers and underwear. He carried lube around with him just in case. I heard the slaps and squelches as he got to work on himself. As I smiled to the husbands and wives as they shuffled past me I listened to the […]

A Beginner’s Guide to BDSM

Introducing a little BDSM into your relationship can be a really great way to intensify things, learn your limits and become closer to your partner, but it can also be really intimidating–especially if you’ve never dabbled in it before. Perhaps you’ve been kicking around this site for awhile or you just stumbled here after wondering what BDSM was really like, either way, you’re not alone if you’re worried. Beginning a BDSM adventure can be exciting, but it’s going to take communication, honesty, and an open mind. Use this as your beginners guide and then continue to physically and intellectually explore your options. Communication Communication is key to having a successful and pleasurable BDSM relationship. You can’t dive in without discussing the semantics, rules, limits, and safe words. Make sure your partner has a full understanding of what BDSM will entail, what the different roles (dom/sub) mean and who will be who. It won’t work if you both want to be the sub or vice versa. You will also need to discuss what your limits will be. Are you okay with anal play? Paddling? What level of pain or loss of control are you willing to go to? You want to make sure you are both on the same page. It’s fun to push limits, but you don’t want to push them so far that it becomes scary or someone gets hurt. The best way to ensure no one gets hurt is to set up a safe word that you can […]