Domination

In BDSM, a top or dominant is the partner in a BDSM relationship or scene who takes the active or controlling role over that of the bottom or submissive partner.

Domination means being able to extract excitement from the pleasure you give to a submissive by every word you speak and every gesture you make no matter how trivial. That enjoyment only increases if a submissive offers unqualified and quantifiable acts of worship whenever ordered to do so.

There are three variables at work in a dominant’s connection to their submissive and the formers fetishistic pleasure relies upon each of them being fulfilled to the letter:

Firstly, for dominants continual, high-quality, worship from a submissive represents a depth of adoration from another individual that simply cannot be found anywhere else.

Secondly, in setting tasks and organising duties for an eager submissive outside of the controlling environment of their BDSM relationship, the dominant understands that the submissive derives nothing but pure fetishistic pleasure themselves from the distance application of their adoration.

Lastly, dominants have the final word when it comes to giving rewards to obedient submissives or administering punishments to rebellious ones and this system has a fetishistic significance all of its own.

Venus in Furs – My Favourite Book

Venus in Furs by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch is my favourite book. An influential lover gave it to me as an instruction manual, to educate me, years ago when I was a student. The word masochism derives not just from the author of the book but from the nature of the story itself. Masochism has come to mean the tendency to derive pleasure from one’s own pain and humiliation. Venus in Furs tells the story of Severin, a man who is so infatuated with a young widow, Wanda von Dunajew, that he requests to be her slave. For Severin, Wanda is Venus-a redhead with green eyes and porcelain white skin. Naturally I identified with her. The following is an extract from the text: “She is there-Venus-but without furs-No, this time it is merely the widow-and yet-Venus-oh, what a woman!” “As she stands there in her light white morning gown, looking at me, her slight figure seems full of poetry and grace. She is neither large, nor small; her head is alluring, piquant-in the sense of the period of the French marquises-rather than formally beautiful. What enchantment and softness, what roguish charm plays about her none too small mouth! Her skin is so infinitely delicate, that the blue veins show through everywhere; even through the muslin covering her arms and bosom. How abundant her red hair-it is red, not blonde or golden-yellow-how diabolically and yet tenderly it plays around her neck! Now her eyes meet mine like green lightnings-they are green, these […]

My First Book: Love Me Like You Hate Me – Venus O’Hara

In this era of 24/7 social networking, anyone can call themselves a writer because their words can be published online whenever they feel like it. I’ve always had plenty to say and my free website was the first ongoing outlet for my views and opinions. At the start, writing my posts was something fun I did on a Sunday afternoon; it was a hobby. Within three months though, I had an offer to co-author a book with Erika Lust and, suddenly, my hobby had to be taken a lot more seriously. The masochist in me enjoyed the unhelpful conditions I suffered to complete the project. For example, I always sat in the same old vintage leather chair-featured in many of my photo-sets-to get the work done. I wore old jogging bottoms, an ancient hoodie and, as it was during the winter months, I was usually wrapped up in a blanket that my grandma had sent to me; it had kept generations of O’Haras warm and I was very glad to have it. The door to my balcony was broken and no matter how much furniture I piled up against it, I still heard the rattle as it let in another bitter draft of cold air. My fingers were frozen and I could see my breath as I typed, busily, on the keyboard of my tired, unreliable laptop. I’ve got a new one now, thank God. I knew, even then, that I would look back at the hardship of the writing […]

Domination

In BDSM, a top or dominant is the partner in a BDSM relationship or in a BDSM scene who takes the active or controlling role over that of the bottom or submissive partner. Domination means being able to extract excitement from the pleasure you give to a submissive by every word you speak and every gesture you make no matter how trivial. That enjoyment only increases if a submissive offers unqualified acts of worship. A male dominant may make up for a lack of control in his professional life by expressing his desire for it in the bedroom whereas a female dominant can be regarded, undeservedly, as being counter-intuitive and unnatural in her desires. Most dominants, however, find that a single whiplash is worth more than a thousand wasted words of justification. There are three variables at work in a dominant’s connection to their submissive: Firstly, dominants require a degree of dedication and attention that applies whether they are male or female. For them, the act of worship from a submissive represents a depth of adoration from an individual that simply cannot be found anywhere else. Secondly, in setting tasks and duties to an eager submissive outside of the controlling environment of their BDSM relationship, the dominant understands that the submissive derives nothing but pure joy from the distance application of their adoration. When the submissive is busily proving his or her dedication to the material needs of their dominant even when the dominant is asleep or busy then the […]

Love Me Like You Hate Me – Teaser

I recently made my acting debut in the acclaimed short film “Love Me Like You Hate Me”, written and directed by Erika Lust, (Lust Films 2010). It is an arousing exploration of the seductive thrills of domination and the fear and excitement of submission in which I play seven characters. Now, the film has been re-edited, re-scored and re-imagined to further emphasise its unusual ability to disturb and excite with its lurid and fetishistic imagery of domestic servitude, confinement and spanking, gloves fetish, glasses fetish, wet clothes fetish and much more. In its new form it has become an unusually kinetic and intense type of BDSM thriller which restores footage-previously regarded as too intense-of me bound hand and foot and constrained by a ball-gag, to its list of astounding highlights. I’m still shocked at how effective the following teaser is and I can hardly wait to see the more provocative cut of the film when it debuts soon. Photo above by Kristyan Geyr Images TEASER LOVE ME LIKE YOU HATE ME Cargado por lustfilms. – Mira más videos de TV y películas.

No Pain, No Gain (BDSM)

Pain has always been a part of accepted behaviour in conventional sexual relationships. The loss of control that defines the act itself anticipates scratching and hair pulling; love bites are a more obvious reminder of recent pleasures.These “in the moment” expressions of passion are intuitive and spontaneous. The application of pain when associated with BDSM is different, it is methodical and organised for a specific purpose; it refines the production of pleasure by the exploitation of its polar opposite. There are many intelligent applications of pain in the world of BDSM, enough to sharpen appetites that are subtle or broad. Spanking is an arousing interplay of punishment and sensuality, randomness and design.Whipping is a more direct approach to the use of formal chastisement without sweetness to balance it. Temperature play tests our reactions to heat and cold to enhance sensation to a much greater degree. Even rope burns from shibari bondage can have an appeal all of their own.The list goes on and on. To read a lot more about the uses and value of pain in the search for greater pleasures and to enjoy more images from this set, please refer to LOVE ME LIKE YOU HATE ME, my forthcoming book about BDSM written with Erika Lust and due for publication in Autumn 2010. Photos by David Vega.   Enjoy! Venus O’Hara

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