Domination

In BDSM, a top or dominant is the partner in a BDSM relationship or scene who takes the active or controlling role over that of the bottom or submissive partner.

Domination means being able to extract excitement from the pleasure you give to a submissive by every word you speak and every gesture you make no matter how trivial. That enjoyment only increases if a submissive offers unqualified and quantifiable acts of worship whenever ordered to do so.

There are three variables at work in a dominant’s connection to their submissive and the formers fetishistic pleasure relies upon each of them being fulfilled to the letter:

Firstly, for dominants continual, high-quality, worship from a submissive represents a depth of adoration from another individual that simply cannot be found anywhere else.

Secondly, in setting tasks and organising duties for an eager submissive outside of the controlling environment of their BDSM relationship, the dominant understands that the submissive derives nothing but pure fetishistic pleasure themselves from the distance application of their adoration.

Lastly, dominants have the final word when it comes to giving rewards to obedient submissives or administering punishments to rebellious ones and this system has a fetishistic significance all of its own.

Feminism Vs Femdom

Feminism has got a bad name over the years for a variety of reasons. Mostly, in our hypersexual culture of eroticised imagery, it commits the cardinal sin of being a little unsexy. Feminism began as a movement based on the establishment of equality between the sexes. It has gone through many distinct phases since its beginnings and not all of them have been comfortable. At first, feminists wanted to be taken as seriously as men. To achieve their aim, they thought that they had to act just like men. Unfortunately, for some, that meant dressing like them as well. Thank God for the Spice Girls. The five of them turned up in short skirts and taught us about “girl power”. They were proof that you can wear high heels and still be a feminist. I defined myself as a feminist until I discovered  Femdom (Female Domination). Femdom usually describes the power structure of a BDSM relationship in which the dominant partner is exclusively female. As a result of her complete authority over her submissive partner, she determines the activities that define their relationship. This includes any and all of the rules and punishments that exist during those sessions. Feminism, in its early stages, tried to do without femininity and looked down on it to some extent. Femdom doesn’t just accept femininity it takes it to another level. Female charms are emphasised and exploited like sexual weapons. Feminists believe that if you show too much cleavage you’ll never be taken seriously. […]

BDSM for Beginners – Terminology

BDSM is a perfect festive treat for the Christmas holidays. That’s fine if you know what you’re doing. You might be new to BDSM. You and your partner might still want to use your time off together to try it out anyway. Here are my 10 Basic BDSM Terms for Beginners. BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. DOMINANT (also dom, domme): the one in charge. SUBMISSIVE (also sub) the one who gives themselves freely for the pleasure of another. SWITCH an individual who “switches” between dominant and submissive roles. A switch can be both a sadist and a masochist. VANILLA refers to non-BDSM sex, “vanilla sex”.A person who doesn’t do BDSM is a “vanilla” SUBMISSION CONTRACT a formal document that defines the relationship of a sub to his or her domme. A contract might describe sexual arrangements, rules and punishment, as well as defining day to day duties. SAFEWORD a word or phrase used to stop a BDSM game. Safewords are defined beforehand and should be respected by the dominant> A common safe word is “red” (stop) or “yellow” (approaching the limit). Photo by Guy Moberly from Love Me Like You Hate Me. BONDAGE the practice of restricting a person’s bodily movements for erotic pleasure. FETISH a “fetish” is an object, non-reproductive body part or action whose presence or existence causes excitement and/or arousal in an individual. An object might be latex or heels, a non-sexual body part could be legs or feet and […]

The Myth of Financial Domination

In BDSM, financial domination is a situation where a female dominant has complete control over the disposable income of Her submissive slave. For her instant gratification, she would also expect gifts whenever she felt like it. A financial slave only works and earns so that he can please his adored dominant female. This means that he supplies constant financial support to Her and that he pays instant monetary penalties whenever She demands them. A key part of financial domination is the slave’s acceptance that he should only live on the cheapest groceries available so that his Goddess can enjoy more luxuries at his expense. To permit his domme to live like the Goddess that he knows She is, a good slave will make any sacrifice and – more importantly – take huge fetishistic pleasure in doing so. He expects nothing in return except the continued honour of serving Her. When viewed in these terms it seems as though the domme has complete financial control but – in reality – the scenario is much more complicated. I am convinced that, in any situation, the customer is always right. The person with the money is the one with the real power in a BDSM relationship as in any other. This conclusion is at odds with the accepted definition of financial domination. There is no such thing as a free lunch and a domme understands this all too well. The world of BDSM does not have a trade union or social security and […]

Black Lace Blindfold

Many fetishists think that lace blindfolds are a bit pointless. After all, a blindfold should restrict vision and deprive the wearer of vital sensory information – not allow them to see their master/mistress whenever they choose. As far as I’m concerned there’s only one drawback with black lace blindfolds and that’s the number of people who just can’t see their obvious fetish potential.When I wore the black lace blindfold – that you see in these images – I felt dominant in front of the photographer, not submissive as I might have anticipated. When I wear sunglasses I can see perfectly but the person I’m talking to can feel uncomfortable and anxious because the eye-contact between us has been disrupted – wilfully, – by my choice of eyewear. My feelings, responses and thoughts – usually so easy to read in my huge, expressive, eyes can no longer be interpreted or relied upon. Lace blindfolds serve the same function in BDSM roleplay. This accessory is unique in the grey area it occupies between submissive blindfolds and dominant masks. If you want to be submissive in a lace blindfold, all you need to do is close your eyes and adopt that persona. If you want to be dominant, just keep your eyes open and use the confusing filter of the black lace to intimidate your slave further by staring at them through it. They won’t know how to respond, trust me. During the shoot I wasn’t able to express myself with my eyes […]

Exploring Hood Fetish

A hood can be worn and exploited by both dominants and submissives. I’d wanted to explore the idea of a hood fetish photo-set that played with the idea of power and anonymity for a while. When I opened the box that this little scrap of stretchy black lace was packed in, I didn’t realise at first how much BDSM potential it had – I was excited at how provocative and mysterious I’d look just by putting it on. A fitted hood with openings just for the mouth and eyes – when worn by dominating women – exaggerates their fetish identity. Although it hides characteristics like hair, chin-line and ears under its surface, a hood still defines the shape of the head and allows the exposed features to have overwhelming importance. I only increased this effect on myself by emphasising my green eyes with a similar shade of make-up and by plumping and exaggerating my pout with glistening red lipstick. The power of the hood fetish isn’t just for dominant’s though and it’s possible to adapt that BDSM persona into a submissive one just by changing your expression a little bit. Fetish hoods like this are perfect for switches who are clever enough to keep their role-play partners guessing. This was my first fetish hood set and the sensations I felt were intense. It was a real challenge to pose without being able to show off my long red hair and use it as a fetish prop. With my secret – […]

Suspension

Suspension bondage appeals to fetishists because it makes the person being suspended seem more vulnerable if they are unable and unwilling to escape their restraints. By trying to free themselves they could fall to the floor and injure themselves so their anxiety is magnified. Being suspended in a large open space also turns a helpless, submissive subject into an object whose complete powerlessness can be as erotically satisfying for themselves as much as for any spectators watching. Rope suspension can be a form of performance art at BDSM conventions and fetish-themed nightclubs. I was fascinated by the suspension shows I saw at some of those clubs. I prefer pain-free suspension rather than the kind that uses hook and chains.It was on Bogatell beach in Barcelona where I saw a rope climbing frame and thought I’d try suspension for myself Even though high-heels aren’t recommended to wear on rope climbing frames they were perfect with my matching black boy-shorts, transparent long-sleeved top and hold-up stockings which emphasised my pure-white, naked thighs for all those appreciative fetishists out there. It was a real challenge hanging up there with my fiery red hair hanging down and blowing in the warm breeze. I had to rely upon my strength alone to support my body but I was more than up for the challenge I had set for myself. I knew that some spectators were taking photos of me hanging there but – just to show my playful awareness of them – I posed at […]

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