Orgasm denial is the best way to deal with rebellious slaves. If a dominant is clever then there are wonderful ways to make someone suffer without physical pain ever being needed. O.D. is still the most satisfying option available to me.

I went to Ikea one afternoon to have a look around and investigate the latest range of headboards. I never know when I’m going to need a really strong one so its best to do some research. I walked around the bedding area and felt a little bored to tell the truth. The typical crowds you find in that place were beginning to irritate me with their docile browsing.

On a whim, I decided that it was time to end my slave’s period of Orgasm Denial in spectacular fashion right then and there. He had been placed on it for six days and was really starting to suffer. It was great. I sent him an SMS with the codeword “Now”. He understood the rules perfectly. No matter where he was, no matter what he was doing, he had to masturbate immediately.

I stood aside from the crowd and, almost at once, he called me back. I heard his belt buckle hit the floor closely followed by his trousers and underwear. He carried lube around with him just in case. I heard the slaps and squelches as he got to work on himself. As I smiled to the husbands and wives as they shuffled past me I listened to the sighs of my slave. Those sighs became moans.

It didn’t take him long to come and, as I listened in the crowded shopping space, the relief I could hear through my ‘phone made me shudder with pleasure. Having an orgasm is one of the greatest pleasures that there is and its even better when it’s forbidden, especially by me. My slave recovered his senses and thanked me over and over again. He promised not to make the same mistake.

Honestly, I’d forgotten what his initial crime had been.

His gratitude, when I ended his punishment, meant everything.

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Photos by Fernando Gebbia

Introducing a little BDSM into your relationship can be a really great way to intensify things, learn your limits and become closer to your partner, but it can also be really intimidating–especially if you’ve never dabbled in it before.

Perhaps you’ve been kicking around this site for awhile or you just stumbled here after wondering what BDSM was really like, either way, you’re not alone if you’re worried. Beginning a BDSM adventure can be exciting, but it’s going to take communication, honesty, and an open mind.

Use this as your beginners guide and then continue to physically and intellectually explore your options.

Communication

Communication is key to having a successful and pleasurable BDSM relationship. You can’t dive in without discussing the semantics, rules, limits, and safe words. Make sure your partner has a full understanding of what BDSM will entail, what the different roles (dom/sub) mean and who will be who. It won’t work if you both want to be the sub or vice versa.

You will also need to discuss what your limits will be. Are you okay with anal play? Paddling? What level of pain or loss of control are you willing to go to? You want to make sure you are both on the same page. It’s fun to push limits, but you don’t want to push them so far that it becomes scary or someone gets hurt.

The best way to ensure no one gets hurt is to set up a safe word that you can use when one of you is approaching your limit. You want to steer clear of any word that would accidentally slip out in the heat of it all. Instead, pick a beign, random word like “blueberry” for instance. It will be easy to say and won’t be mistaken for anything else.

Experimentation

You can start experimenting once you have a clear understanding of safety and ground rules. Start off slow so the two of you can get use to the dynamic change and consider assigning names to each other, like Master and Slave (or something similar) to really solidify the roles.

For your first go-round, have the Dom tie the sub’s wrists together with something soft and familiar, like a scarf of tie. This will help get the sub comfortable with restraint without moving too far outside of their initial boundaries. Have the Dom use an additional scarf or tie to blindfold the sub, allowing the two of you can play with sensory perception. From there, the Dom should stick to pretty neutral sex acts, as you’ll just want to introduce a little bit of change at a time. The idea of letting go can be a lot for someone to handle, so proceed slowly.

Continue to add elements with each experimentation, such as name calling (to assert dominance), ice or feathers (for teasing), and whips (for pain). In the beginning, you’ll want to check in with each other to make sure you are both OK with what is happening and are equally enjoying it. One of you should not feel like you’re doing it to simply appease the other, this should be a relationship that you are both turned on by.

Upgrading

You can graduate to the big guns once you both feel comfortable with the tools you’ve been using. Consider going to a sex store like Adam and Eve and pick up a few intense toys like an actual whip, ben wa balls, a strap-on, collar, bed restraints or vibrator. You can also typically find prefabricated bondage kits that will make your selection easy.

Begin integrating your toys into your play and see how far you can push yourself. If this isn’t enough, include mandatory outfits, and shaming activities for the sub

Finally, consider branching out and meeting others like you in the community. This is a great way to learn about different techniques and styles as well as make new friends. You can look for meet up groups or join FetLife, a fetish oriented community website. And as always, let the Internet be your guide. Explore this Venus O’Hara for alternative ways to explore and different fetishes you can involve. The possibilities are endless. Just remember to always play safe, to keep communication open and to have fun. Because what’s the point if you’re not enjoying it?
Stacey Mahoney is a blogger for many different media outlets and publications who has been enjoying BDSM for over five years.

I have a variety of slaves. They all have their individual preferences and odd little habits. One of them likes to watch me on Skype as I go through the ritual of applying my make-up. It is a strange and exciting sensation to have someone analysing every little thing I do to decorate my face. His attention does not just focus my technique, however. Having his adoring eyes on me is the kind of pressure that really turns me on.

It turns him on as well. His frequent suggestions and compliments prove it to me over and over again.

My slave goes quiet when I’m defining my eyes with black liner. It is the cool precision involved in getting it just right that obsesses him. He is waiting for a mistake to be made. That is what he wants from me.  It is like watching an artist who has to pause in their work to fix a flaw. Perfection is fine but random chance is better. Watching me make a correction, and getting impatient while I am doing it, always makes him sigh.

When I outline my lips he breathes more heavily. I can hear his arousal from the speaker in my laptop. Sometimes I tease him with the creation of my Cupid’s bow. I delay it as much as I can. He can hardly stand the tension. I notice the anxiety creeping into his whispered words of praise. Then, it is time to finish and I press my lips together before blowing him a little kiss. I ask him how I look. He sags into his chair and smiles.

He says that he likes everything I do when I perform for him. I enjoy all of his anxious attention. It is like he is keeping me company while I create my fetish face. If he did not adore my display then he knows I would punish him. Even worse, I could deny him his special privileges.

He is a slave after all, and slaves need constant discipline to get the best out of them.

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Photos Lourdes Ribas de Pixelstudi

Make-up Diana Shulga

In case you hadn’t realised, Planet Venus is back. It may seem perverse for me to be away from my regular writing responsibilities at this time. BDSM has suddenly become the literary flavour of the year with the publishing phenomenon of “50 Shades of Grey” taking the mainstream reading habits of the world by storm. In this eroticized and aroused moment in time you might think that I’ve been neglecting my proper duties and the philosophy behind my all important web.

Although my loyal slaves have been working around the clock, they can only achieve so much on their own before I have to take the initiative again and do the things for Planet Venus that only I am qualified to do. Nevertheless, I see the distinctive cover of “50 Shades of Grey” and its sequels appearing in increasing numbers on the metro, in cafes and being read on benches in municipal parks. Everyone has either read it, is reading it or feels that they need to have an opinion about it. In my mind this can only be a good thing.

It is still only fiction however. What happens when all of those readers feel the need to experiment with BDSM in their real lives?

If you really want to discover how fulfilling and exciting BDSM can be but you are reluctant to do so because of any pre-conceptions you might still have then let me reassure you. BDSM can be so much fun that it’s almost a scandal that it took until this year for it to emerge into popular culture. The world of bondage, sexual role-play, domination, submission and slave contracts has always been out there, waiting to be found

None of this is news to me. It was for the benefit of couples wanting to explore this world and who wished to experiment with its potentials that I wrote “Love Me Like You Hate Me” in collaboration with Erika Lust. My book doesn’t just explain the origins of BDSM but it actively encourages integrating it into modern relationships. It offers advice on the appropriate equipment to use, the techniques that will help you to derive the maximum benefit from your experiences and has suggestions about how you can keep BDSM surprising and, above all, fun, fun, fun!

“Love Me Like You Hate Me” is the perfect guide for using BDSM to enhance and deepen your understanding of what can turn you, and your partner, on. Every copy comes with a set of free silk hand-cuffs so you won’t have to wait a minute longer than necessary to discover exactly what you’ve been missing out on all this time.

When you put “50 Shades of Grey” down, don’t forget to open “Love Me Like You Hate Me” afterwards.

50 shades of Venus is exactly what you need.

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Buy the hood at Lovehoney click below:

Feminism has got a bad name over the years for a variety of reasons. Mostly, in our hypersexual culture of eroticised imagery, it commits the cardinal sin of being a little unsexy.

Feminism began as a movement based on the establishment of equality between the sexes. It has gone through many distinct phases since its beginnings and not all of them have been comfortable. At first, feminists wanted to be taken as seriously as men. To achieve their aim, they thought that they had to act just like men. Unfortunately, for some, that meant dressing like them as well.

Thank God for the Spice Girls. The five of them turned up in short skirts and taught us about “girl power”. They were proof that you can wear high heels and still be a feminist.

I defined myself as a feminist until I discovered  Femdom (Female Domination). Femdom usually describes the power structure of a BDSM relationship in which the dominant partner is exclusively female. As a result of her complete authority over her submissive partner, she determines the activities that define their relationship. This includes any and all of the rules and punishments that exist during those sessions.

Feminism, in its early stages, tried to do without femininity and looked down on it to some extent. Femdom doesn’t just accept femininity it takes it to another level. Female charms are emphasised and exploited like sexual weapons. Feminists believe that if you show too much cleavage you’ll never be taken seriously. Femdoms, on the other hand, know that when they flaunt their cleavage they’ll be taken very seriously indeed and so they should.

There are several Femdom utopias like Other World Kingdom (OWK) and Club Pedestal. OWK is set in a 16th century chateau in the Czech Republic. Inside it, a female is always superior to any male creatures who find themselves in her presence. Club Pedestal is a monthly event based in London. The male house slaves take care of everything if you’re a woman. That includes fetching drinks and polishing boots. They will also become furniture for the female customers exclusive use, hence the name Club Pedestal.

There are still nowhere near enough places like this and femdoms might have to fight hard to get more. That could be a problem. The spirit of struggle and protest doesn’t come as naturally to them as it did with feminists. Femdoms don’t understand why they should need to work hard for anything. In their minds they expect superior rights not equal rights. If they did have to lift a perfect painted fingernail to achieve anything they would probably turn to their slave and tell him to do it for them instead.

I know I would.

Photographs by Sebas Romero

BDSM is a perfect festive treat for the Christmas holidays. That’s fine if you know what you’re doing. You might be new to BDSM. You and your partner might still want to use your time off together to try it out anyway.

Here are my 10 Basic BDSM Terms for Beginners.

BDSM

stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism.

DOMINANT

(also dom, domme): the one in charge.

SUBMISSIVE

(also sub) the one who gives themselves freely for the pleasure of another.

SWITCH

an individual who “switches” between dominant and submissive roles. A switch can be both a sadist and a masochist.

VANILLA

refers to non-BDSM sex, “vanilla sex”.A person who doesn’t do BDSM is a “vanilla”

SUBMISSION CONTRACT

a formal document that defines the relationship of a sub to his or her domme. A contract might describe sexual arrangements, rules and punishment, as well as defining day to day duties.

SAFEWORD

a word or phrase used to stop a BDSM game. Safewords are defined beforehand and should be respected by the dominant> A common safe word is “red” (stop) or “yellow” (approaching the limit).

Photo by Guy Moberly from Love Me Like You Hate Me.

BONDAGE

the practice of restricting a person’s bodily movements for erotic pleasure.

FETISH

a “fetish” is an object, non-reproductive body part or action whose presence or existence causes excitement and/or arousal in an individual. An object might be latex or heels, a non-sexual body part could be legs or feet and tickling or smoking are examples of actions.
“Fetish” is also used as an adjective that relates to anything connected to the world of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadomasochism) such as fetish wear or fetish clubs.

FINANCIAL DOMINATION

(even more fun at Christmas time) when a dominant has complete control over the income and savings of their sub. They have the discretion to use those funds for their own enjoyment whenever they wish.>
If you can’t think of the ideal gift for the one you love to hate then order them a copy of my book – Love Me Like You Hate Me – instead.

Don’t forget to order one for yourself as well…

…if you’re allowed to.

BUY ON AMAZON

In BDSM, financial domination is a situation where a female dominant has complete control over the disposable income of Her submissive slave. For her instant gratification, she would also expect gifts whenever she felt like it.

A financial slave only works and earns so that he can please his adored dominant female. This means that he supplies constant financial support to Her and that he pays instant monetary penalties whenever She demands them. A key part of financial domination is the slave’s acceptance that he should only live on the cheapest groceries available so that his Goddess can enjoy more luxuries at his expense. To permit his domme to live like the Goddess that he knows She is, a good slave will make any sacrifice and – more importantly – take huge fetishistic pleasure in doing so. He expects nothing in return except the continued honour of serving Her.

When viewed in these terms it seems as though the domme has complete financial control but – in reality – the scenario is much more complicated. I am convinced that, in any situation, the customer is always right. The person with the money is the one with the real power in a BDSM relationship as in any other. This conclusion is at odds with the accepted definition of financial domination.

There is no such thing as a free lunch and a domme understands this all too well. The world of BDSM does not have a trade union or social security and a good domme – even a great one – has to maintain Her charm at all times to ensure Her continued value to Her slave and all of those subsequent treats and envelopes of cash.

Even the nature of Her domination can depend upon whether She wants easy funds to spend on indulgent treats for Herself or whether She needs a fast bank transfer to cover Her monthly rent. It is here that the subtle influence of the sub begins to be felt by the domme and Her behaviour might adapt to accommodate it.

It is my firm belief that any relationship based on the financial superiority of one party over the other pushes the real power towards the owner of the money. In the case of a BDSM relationship, where the line is firmly drawn between domme and sub, the presence of money in the hands of the sub can distort the connection between them. A delicate and mutually satisfying balance between a paying sub and a struggling domme seems unlikely.

It was a real surprise to me to realise that the financial support, gifts and resources that I began to receive through financial domination didn’t please me any less than if I had earned them myself.

I wonder, sometimes, if my slave is aware of the power he has just by typing his credit card number online on my behalf.

When I feel a vibration from my smartphone telling me his life-savings have just gone down again for my benefit – I don’t really care who is in charge.

Venus Nude Financial Domination Photos by Guy Moberly

Many fetishists think that lace blindfolds are a bit pointless. After all, a blindfold should restrict vision and deprive the wearer of vital sensory information – not allow them to see their master/mistress whenever they choose.

As far as I’m concerned there’s only one drawback with black lace blindfolds and that’s the number of people who just can’t see their obvious fetish potential.When I wore the black lace blindfold – that you see in these images – I felt dominant in front of the photographer, not submissive as I might have anticipated.

When I wear sunglasses I can see perfectly but the person I’m talking to can feel uncomfortable and anxious because the eye-contact between us has been disrupted – wilfully, – by my choice of eyewear. My feelings, responses and thoughts – usually so easy to read in my huge, expressive, eyes can no longer be interpreted or relied upon. Lace blindfolds serve the same function in BDSM roleplay.

This accessory is unique in the grey area it occupies between submissive blindfolds and dominant masks. If you want to be submissive in a lace blindfold, all you need to do is close your eyes and adopt that persona. If you want to be dominant, just keep your eyes open and use the confusing filter of the black lace to intimidate your slave further by staring at them through it. They won’t know how to respond, trust me.

During the shoot I wasn’t able to express myself with my eyes fully so I needed a way to impose my fetish personality on the images in another way. I decided to use my mouth and lips instead and chose smoking as the ideal way to do it. I remembered the 100 slims that I kept from a previous smoking fetish photo-set, found one and lit it.

I was very careful not to drop ash on my body-stockinged figure as I posed and pulled on the cigarette. I swayed slowly from side to side between shots and felt the nipple tassles dragging against me beneath the clinging, black, mesh.

The photographer understood the value of black lace blindfolds almost immediately and trembled just a little.

Whoever said black lace blindfolds were pointless?

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Photos by Sebas Romero

BUY THE FEATURED BLINDFOLD HERE:

A hood can be worn and exploited by both dominants and submissives. I’d wanted to explore the idea of a hood fetish photo-set that played with the idea of power and anonymity for a while. When I opened the box that this little scrap of stretchy black lace was packed in, I didn’t realise at first how much BDSM potential it had – I was excited at how provocative and mysterious I’d look just by putting it on.

A fitted hood with openings just for the mouth and eyes – when worn by dominating women – exaggerates their fetish identity. Although it hides characteristics like hair, chin-line and ears under its surface, a hood still defines the shape of the head and allows the exposed features to have overwhelming importance. I only increased this effect on myself by emphasising my green eyes with a similar shade of make-up and by plumping and exaggerating my pout with glistening red lipstick.

The power of the hood fetish isn’t just for dominant’s though and it’s possible to adapt that BDSM persona into a submissive one just by changing your expression a little bit. Fetish hoods like this are perfect for switches who are clever enough to keep their role-play partners guessing.

This was my first fetish hood set and the sensations I felt were intense. It was a real challenge to pose without being able to show off my long red hair and use it as a fetish prop.

With my secret – hood fetish – identity, I could do whatever I wanted and be anyone I chose.

BUY THE HOOD HERE:

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Photos by Andrew O’Hara.

Suspension bondage appeals to fetishists because it makes the person being suspended seem more vulnerable if they are unable and unwilling to escape their restraints. By trying to free themselves they could fall to the floor and injure themselves so their anxiety is magnified. Being suspended in a large open space also turns a helpless, submissive subject into an object whose complete powerlessness can be as erotically satisfying for themselves as much as for any spectators watching. Rope suspension can be a form of performance art at BDSM conventions and fetish-themed nightclubs.

I was fascinated by the suspension shows I saw at some of those clubs. I prefer pain-free suspension rather than the kind that uses hook and chains.It was on Bogatell beach in Barcelona where I saw a rope climbing frame and thought I’d try suspension for myself

Even though high-heels aren’t recommended to wear on rope climbing frames they were perfect with my matching black boy-shorts, transparent long-sleeved top and hold-up stockings which emphasised my pure-white, naked thighs for all those appreciative fetishists out there.

It was a real challenge hanging up there with my fiery red hair hanging down and blowing in the warm breeze. I had to rely upon my strength alone to support my body but I was more than up for the challenge I had set for myself.

I knew that some spectators were taking photos of me hanging there but – just to show my playful awareness of them – I posed at a variety of angles to please every part of my accidental audience.

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Photos by Yuky.