Bondage

Bondage is the art of restraining someone or tying them up in some way that induces intense feelings of sexual gratification for both parties in opposite ways. It can be as simple as tying a simple knot or as sophisticated as Shibari or Japanese rope bondage. The person being tied up can relax and allow the person doing the tying to provide pleasure for them, which in this case is related to feelings of helplessness and lack of free-will. The individual doing the tying up derives an equal and opposite enjoyment from their own feelings of empowerment. Power, in this context of discipline for the sake of arousal, must not be abused. It will never become an issue as long as both partners approach bondage games in an atmosphere of mutual trust.

Being tied up by someone you trust implicitly allows you to feel protected and cherished in a way that can’t be experienced at any other time. Tying someone up, on the other hand, makes you feel trusted and needed by them in return.

It is taken for granted that people in high powered jobs like these kind of sexual games, because they are able to let someone else take control so that they can lose control. It is also fair to say that it is usually imaginative people who enjoy these games, because they are better able to get lost inside them.

Items that can be used for restraints can include ropes, scarves, neck-ties, ribbons, underwear or hosiery.

More Tickle Torture

Even though the summer has faded, the effect of “50 Shades of Grey” still lingers. I’m sitting at my writing desk and I’m thinking about sex. Nothing unusual there you might think. It seems to me that everyone is caught up in the meaning and uses of BDSM in their own lives and relationships. Something has been forgotten in all of those TV discussions focused on strap-ons, handcuffs and spankings. I haven’t heard any debates recently about sex and humour. Have we forgotten how to be dirty in the bedroom and actually laugh while we are doing it? I haven’t. When I think back to those times when I was turned on and trying hard not to laugh I always end up remembering the same afternoon. It was the day I was being photographed by a tickle fetishist and my ankles were tied onto a horizontal metal bar while I was blindfolded and sitting on an office chair. The tight white panties I had chosen for the shoot would look scandalous I hoped. Now that a reasonable amount of time has passed since the shoot I can appreciate just how unusual it really was. It was like a job at the time and I took it seriously. The photographer was committed to getting the most out of the session. He had rehearsed his tickling plans in perfect detail. When my stockinged legs were opened and raised  and the blindfold was fitted on my face I was defenceless. I only remember […]

BDSM for Beginners – Terminology

BDSM is a perfect festive treat for the Christmas holidays. That’s fine if you know what you’re doing. You might be new to BDSM. You and your partner might still want to use your time off together to try it out anyway. Here are my 10 Basic BDSM Terms for Beginners. BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. DOMINANT (also dom, domme): the one in charge. SUBMISSIVE (also sub) the one who gives themselves freely for the pleasure of another. SWITCH an individual who “switches” between dominant and submissive roles. A switch can be both a sadist and a masochist. VANILLA refers to non-BDSM sex, “vanilla sex”.A person who doesn’t do BDSM is a “vanilla” SUBMISSION CONTRACT a formal document that defines the relationship of a sub to his or her domme. A contract might describe sexual arrangements, rules and punishment, as well as defining day to day duties. SAFEWORD a word or phrase used to stop a BDSM game. Safewords are defined beforehand and should be respected by the dominant> A common safe word is “red” (stop) or “yellow” (approaching the limit). Photo by Guy Moberly from Love Me Like You Hate Me. BONDAGE the practice of restricting a person’s bodily movements for erotic pleasure. FETISH a “fetish” is an object, non-reproductive body part or action whose presence or existence causes excitement and/or arousal in an individual. An object might be latex or heels, a non-sexual body part could be legs or feet and […]

Love Me Like You Hate Me – in Practice

As a qualified teacher I felt a unique thrill when I used my book – “Love Me Like You Hate Me”, co-written with Erika Lust, as the key text for my first live fetish class. I’ve often been asked about whether I would consider doing a live fetish show or class to demonstrate my theories. I had entertained the idea a couple of times already but had never taken it really seriously. Recently, however, on a night out, a club owner asked me how much I would charge for a fetish show. I was really intrigued and promised him that I would give it some thought. Perhaps it was the time to do it for real. A week later, while I was enjoying a drink with a friend, I found myself telling him about the proposition from the week before about the fetish show. He thought it was a great idea and he told me I should go for it. By chance, he had some old friends of his flying into Barcelona that weekend and he had been trying to organise a surprise for them that they would never forget. He offered me the opportunity to use his friends as guinea pigs for my very first live fetish class. It seemed to be the perfect exchange for both of us and I agreed immediately. Then, it just got better when he offered me the assistance of a female slave “Lila” who would serve me for the evening. It was obvious […]

Tickle Torture (Tickle Fetish)

This photo-set was shot by a tickle fetish expert. It was my first set based on this kink and I’d been anticipating it for weeks before it finally happened. I have very sensitive feet so the excitement built up for days beforehand. My objective was to produce a set that captured all of my natural and unrehearsed reactions to the random, unexpected tickles on the soles of my feet. Posing for photo-shoots usually means smiling and pouting in a practised way. This time, the value of the images would rest in my spontaneous responses captured in the moment. They might not be my prettiest looks but the honesty of my laughter would make the point. I arrived at the photographer’s studio and I showed him my extensive collection of stockings. We’d agreed that the right pair would be an important part of the success of the set. He explained his ideas for the scenario which included sitting me on a hard office chair, tying my ankles to a horizontal metal bar and placing a blindfold on me. When we began, the reality of the ankle restraint became clear. He used his skilled hand first and the delicious tension in the pauses between his abrupt tickles reminded me of being spanked. When it got too much I told him to stop. Then, unknown to me, he began to use his “secret tickling implements” and, because of the blindfold, I had no idea what they might be. Even with his skills, I […]

Choosing the right panties

It’s never easy to choose the right panties to wear for the day ahead. Sometimes it’s impossible to choose sensibly, especially if you’re a panty fetishist like me and you own over a hundred different pairs. In that case, the task is almost impossible. There are a few factors that must always be taken into consideration: Most women choose panties that seem similar to the bra that they are wearing, even if they only have a vague resemblance. I love the mismatched look and I always go for it. It’s really important to choose undies that work with your outerwear and not against it. For instance, panties with frills or ruffles never work and should be avoided outside of a photographers studio or someone’s bedroom. Any panties that encourage cameltoes are never recommended at the best of times. I also wonder how many girls take the time to do a proper “whale-tail test” in the morning. If they don’t, then everyone standing behind them in a supermarket as they lean down into a cold cabinet to find some frozen peas, will wish they had. It’s also important to consider whether your choice will be seen by anyone else, whether it’s a lover, doctor or paramedic. For me, doing sport means wearing comfortable panties, doing a photo-shoot requires something a little over the top and my heaps of designer underwear fit the bill perfectly. If I mean to seduce, my panty choice could be anything from simple cotton to lacy black […]

Thigh-high fetish

Thigh-high boots are considered by many to be erotic or kinky. They are used as fetish clothing in boot fetishism and shoe fetishism. Cheaper thigh-high boots are often associated with prostitution or sadomasochism. The image that they portray is so powerful that it has been adopted by the mainstream fashion industry. Thigh-high boots as articles of fetish clothing date back at least to the 1950s when Irving Klaw used them in the costuming of the models in his erotic photography, including Bettie Page. Since that time, they have been a staple of fetish and adult photography. In the summer, I cut an old pair of jeans down to make some shorts. I looked at the denim legs I had left over and, instead of throwing them away, I had an idea of how to use them in a photo-set. I decided to play around with the idea of thigh-high fetish and this is the result. Featured photography by Stephan

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